kwasababu (because), lakini (but)

I am not yet through of battling the feeling of isolation.  Perhaps the main factor is my inability to talk in the local language.  This limits me to mingle with the people around in my area.  I could respond to the Tanzanian greetings but I can’t cope up with conversations.  When local people start talking to me, I have to butt in and say ‘Pole sana, Si jui Kiswahili” – (am very sorry, I don’t know Kiswahili).  I am not a good reader of facial reactions but their faces show disappointment that I can not continue talking to them. 

The lizard who is giving me occassional company

I don’t report daily for work so I have to spend most of my time staying in my house.  That means;  I, me and myself are the constant company that exists in my world.

This week, in one of those days(I, Me, Myself Company), the only full time staff of my organization came to give my allowance and to relay some requests from our Executive Director.   He was showing me a tool about weekly log activity report and explaining how to use it.  I was listening patiently from his broken English and trying to decipher what was he trying to tell me.   My brain did not process correctly so I misunderstood the whole point of the instructions. What I thought was that, our Executive Director wants me to prepare and submit a report like that.

Exclusive working area for I, Me, Myself Company

I can’t rationalized why do I need to do that log activity report.  Instead of clarifying things from my Executive Director, I got mad and emotional.  This triggered the pent-up emotions that I had for quite sometime – the isolation, boredom, home sickness, etc.  No one was around to comfort me so I  grabbed a bar of chocolate from my fridge to make me feel good but it didn’t help.  I decided to do my laundry instead.  But before I could start, I can’t avoid anymore of not crying.  I continued washing my dirty clothes while appeasing my self.  It gave me a relief for a while yet I was still thinking of that report.  I was restless that I sent e-mail to my Executive Director.  Since I was still touchy, my message was a bit defensive.  Not enquiring but trying to protect myself.  I realized, I acted impulsively.

Until on the next day, I was still carrying the burden. It was late at night when I had the chance to open my email and read the reply of my Executive Director.  The report should be for further review for its usefulness and not for me to accomplish it. It means I embarrassed myself. I sent an apology but I felt bad for not able to understand clearly of the instructions that was relayed to me.   I learned 2 things from this incident – 1. never assume or presume, 2. learning the local language promotes better understanding. 

A masai - the original settler of Tanzania **

Next time, I promised to I, Me, Myself Company that I should be more logical rather than emotional.  And have to take seriously learning Kiswahili-(sigh).

**this picture is not related to this post but rather to present something relevant to the culture of Tanzania.